I am challenging my quit

It might be something that some of us don't want to read or talk about, but I have been challenging my quit.Although for the most part I have been doing real well, I have also have had a lot of bad moments. I am tired of being pissy all the time,Herbal cigarettes, tired of eating everything at reach and overwall feeling like crap everytime I have a day off. I agree that it's something I should have shared before today but I guess I tried to stay positive and in my lala land.I am challenging it because at the end of the day I find myself looking in the mirror, alone, and I wonder: "why bother?". Why bother if there is no one to share my success with. Why bother if by quitting I am prolonging my life and a suffering? Smoking is a form of self destruction,quit smoking, I wonder if that's what I miss. I wonder if now that I have to live, I fear. I realize that I have to turn to counseling because if today is just a bad day, I am tired of having them, smoker or non smoker.I haven't smoked, not even one, not even a puff, I'd like to keep it that way but I'd also like to feel normal and out of the constant struggle that I face everyday.Thanks for reading.